Grasping lies

Hi.  My name is Elaine and I am a legalistic.  I struggle daily to believe there is grace over rules.  I struggle everyday to believe I don't have to be perfect to please God.  I struggle everyday to not hold my world and the people in it up to a standard that God does not even require.  God requires love, faith and love - why can't I be satisfied with giving and receiving these?

Today I am going to try to live knowing truth is real, my feelings are not.  Truth will stand the test - my fear will not.

I guess too I am coming to grasps with the fact there is no conquering this problem on this side of heaven.  I need to learn to live here with joy and hope in the things to come in heaven (which is the only place my expectations can be met).

Paul, how did you do it?  I would love to sit and talk with that man.  I want to know the man behind the words, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Romans 7:15  LOL as I write this though I realize I probably know hundreds of people who say these words in their heart everyday!  I sit in one of those ah ha moments right now where I picture that we are all grasping, all trying, all desiring to grab God's hand as He reaches out to us.  The only thing keeping us back is whatever lie we are grasping hold of with our other hand.  My lies circulate on a schedule of about three main ones in my life.  1. I am not good enough  2.  It is MY responsibility to present everyone in my family as perfect therefore, my job to work on them everyday  3.  Change isn't possible

What is your lie today keeping you just far enough from grabbing God's hand instead?

Pointing fingers

So I did it again last night...I was really trying to be encouraging, trying to tell Jerod how great I think he is BUT instead I told him - you aren't doing enough, you really should be more, "God created you to be...".  Wives, why do we do it?  Why do we feel the need to hold everyone in our lives up to only God capable expectations?  Seriously I need to get better at small talk.  It would have been better to ask what do you want for dinner next week and talked about the possibility of some great new recipe.

You know my intentions really were good - well were they?  I don't really know - maybe they weren't completely.  I think maybe I was being a little sneaky.  It's so much easier to point the finger at someone else and say you know you are made for greater and you need to find your heart and passion and just jump - go for it - believe you can do anything if God made you for it.

God is screaming in a lot of areas of my life to be passionate, jump, be a fool for the sake of what He has laid out before me.  Really in the last two weeks God has kind of raked me through a lot of coals to see some things more clearly.  LOL but instead of looking inward and asking God what He wants me to do or rather how He would like me to respond - I pick a fight with my best friend - well not really a fight - I just get preachy and sit up on my throne of "I have this all figure out".

I guess I am just like most people...I don't want to set out without the guarantee of success and being liked, I would rather dwell in the city of wondering if I really can be who God wants rather than go and find out, I really do care too much about what others think.  So this week I am going to try to listen to what God has been saying and try to jump a little further out there.  It's nothing drastic, it's nothing life shattering, but I think God is telling me their is abundance around the corner and it ain't in conquering to do lists, but rather in living a little more out loud.  More to follow...

So just in case you are wondering how I left it with Jerod and cleaned up that mess...I woke up at 6 wrote him a letter declaring my true love for him no matter what he does, doesn't do, etc.  I joked about the graham cracker crumbs in our bed that he found when he laid down and said I could not wait to hear him sing in the car today with the kids.  Because when he sings and dances in the car with our kiddos I realize I don't really truly want to share his awesomeness with anyone else if I don't have to...

Fourth of July Weekend…

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We had a great weekend…Cana officially is my little Water Bug…(she even took to responding to this name by Monday).  She would have stayed outside and in the water at all times had we had any energy left to keep up with her.  No w I am sitting here typing this just to say that I blogged about the holiday weekend – ha.  I have no energy or brainpower to write anything of any depth. 

Hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July and holiday weekend!

Big Girl in the House

I know - i know I am not doing such a splendid job of keeping up with this blog, but I really do think about it all the time.  I am just trying to keep up with real life as it is FLYING by!  My little baby girl is growing up so fast and I spent last week being potty boot camp momma and stayed home with Cana all week.  Can I just say I was more scared of this step than any other step we have taken with her...I had no idea what I was doing or how to do it, but I have this amazing little girl that after two accidents has done perfectly since.  She loves to "celebrate" so after every pee or poop she got the whole family doing the potty dance in celebration and got a skittle.  She LOVED it...I cried every time I watched her from behind walk off in her little panty covered butt. 
Now this week has been so hard as I had to go back to work...I so loved being home last week.  I love being around Cana doing anything...and I love taking advantage of nap time and painting...I love planning and making dinner...having time to have playdates...all of it was so much fun.
I did get a few more pieces done during naptimes and after bedtime - here are some pics and they will soon be available on Etsy.

I can't get it to turn around...ugh...

I have a few more pieces ready to start or to finish, but they aren't ready for photographs...

Jerod and I are headed to LA on Friday - yea...a few days away just us to sleep in, eat and lay around on the beach!!!!  I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of those weeks...

We have all been sick at least once here in the Starkey household, some of us twice (with different things) in less than five days.  I am really ready to wake up to a new week. 

A Pink Party

I am incredibly behind and have so many posts to write, but I am going to start with the greatness of this weekend and Cana's birthday.  I can't believe I have a two year old...
Cana is the pride and joy of my life.  She loves trash trucks, buses, and trains, but proves her girliness with pink everything, bracelets, love for mani/pedis and hair products, and always finding my heels to wear around the house.  She likes to go fast and high in swings but is as gentle as can be when someone is sad - she sits down next to you and pats your back til you smile.  She gets caught doing something wrong and instantly cocks her to the side, smiles, and says "hi".  Cana loves to read and loves her cow!  She refuses to eat meat, but loves her blueberries and marshmallows. Cana is talking all the time and about all things.  97% of the time she loves her big girl bed and sleeping in it.  Her favorite jam is still California Girls but her music palatte is expanding as she will break out in song on her own with songs like Chris Tomlin's "Spirit Fall", Mammaw's version of God Made Me, and her own rendition of If You're Happy and You Know It.  There is nothing sweeter or cuter than her singing.  That will be a post in itself later on...


About a month ago we started working on her saying she was two and asking her what kind of party she wanted.  From the very beginning she answered with "Pink Party" so we had a pink party...We invited family and a few of Cana's little friends over to swing, swim and eat.  Jerod made her dreams come true by putting up a swing in the backyard for her so now she can swing her heart out anytime.

It was a great day...with clothes, without clothes, with all things pink and many wonderful friends and family around!!!!  I am so proud of my sweet Cana and I love nothing more than being her mommy!

Trip with Evie - We're off to the Auction **See what I won**

I am going to my first auction tonight- like real auction.  Evie heard on HGTV that cities often have these kinds of acutions if they have a design district, which Dallas does and lo and behold she found it here.  I have been reviewing rules online all day and I am giddy nervous.  They say you can't bid without meaning to, but there is a part of me that can see me "accidently" needing a Uhaul to get home.  These pieces are incredible...and they at least start REALLY cheap.  I am looking for a mid century modern sideboard to use in our front living room as a tv console, but there are a few other little items like a couch, dresser, and stool I want too.  Look at this stuff...and it starts at $50.  ( I half expect to get there and find out it is all like doll house size ... have you ever done that before - be honest - looked at Etsy and found the cutest little piece of furniture, only to find out once you look closer at the typed dimensions it's the size of your palm. ) 

I so wish I could be a shopper for people...I would love to go do this all the time for people who don't have the time or the desire to sit through stuff like this. 
I will be reporting back tomorrow...

Here's what actually walked away with...LOL - a lot more than I thought and none that I was expecting - SO much fun though.  I want to do this for a living more than anything.