It is funny to me how when you are floating along in life, with feelings of unsatisfaction and not for sure of your next step - you can talk and write endlessly. My hiatus from words over the past couple of weeks symbolize a recognition in my life of some areas I really need to submit to God and some dreams I need to start living for me. Putting these things into words is a little scary to me and thus, I have declined over the last couple of weeks. I don't want to jinx myself, I don't want to play my typical game of overachieving and setting my own bar too high so that there is no way I could ever be successful and let's be honest do I really want to be accountable to words spoken out loud. I am trying to teach myself to live today for today. I am working on my anxiety and to turn my gifts of foresight and planning back into a good trait rather than a suffocating one for myself and those around me. I have starved myself of happiness in trying to be responsible for the world and in trying to make everything always make sense. (Setting yourself up for impossible goals will never lead to a good place) I have found ways to manage my stress which have actually only ended up creating new stresses and problems for me to deal with so again one day at a time. That's it .. .I can't say anymore - it becomes to big and I can't fix it all at once...one day at a time. Each moment for each moment.
The most exciting updates from the last few weeks are these...
1) I got my hair cut short (about 8 inches off)...this was in response to things not having to make sense...I have been wanting to for a while now, but I couldn't justify it from every angle..so I hadn't done it, but Saturday I decided it didn't matter if it was the best decision - it is hair and if I didn't love it...it would grow back. I do love it though...
2) I am working on several "projects" - ok so my secret dream is to decorate and make things for homes...I love painting old furninture, I love making things, and decorating things, and making things look pretty. Moving into my house and painting and arranging and picking out furniture, fabrics, etc was the most wonderfully suprising joy in my life. I could do that everyday for anyone for free and be the happiest girl around. Evie and I dream of opening a store some day, selling restored furniture, stationary, and many many home furnishings. So because my head has been about to explode with ideas and things I "want" to do - I decided I needed to start doing them - you don't know if you can't have what you really want unless you to try to get it. So as baby steps I am starting a few projects...one is ever for someone else which is the most exciting thing. A woman from my church came over one night for dinner and saw a cabinet I had done and since then has requested for me to do a table for her. So I have actually been commissioned and I am giddy. So tonight is my first night to work on this and I will keep you updated.
3) I have a husband that I love going through crap with because there is nothing like getting on the other side of stuff and realizing how absolutely in love I am with him when it's easy, hard and all the stuff in between.
4) I have some of the best friends in the world who are always there and listen and ask and care...and I love having good friends.
And here are a few Easter pics way too late but my nieces are so cute they need to be posted...
So the lessone we learned...take group pictures before you hunt the easter eggs...this is the best picture of them together b/c they didn't want to sit there they wanted to go through their eggs...who can blame them - they got rings with lip gloss in the stone.
Jayci got so excited with every egg she found...the funny thing was she was barefoot and would not step in the mulch so she would just point until one of us would scoot it closer so she could reach them.
Ainsley loved the jeep...She may have loved it almost as much as Jerod loves it.
