Tuesday, December 30, 2008
It was amazing to see her again, she went from a tiny blinking dot to a six inch, .55lb child. In four short months she has grown so fast and developed a little personality. The nurse said that she was a big mover and she kept waving at us throughout the sonogram...she even gave us two big yawns. It was hilarious and wonderful - (sorry for no pictures, but I have tried over and over to get the sonogram pictures on here without any success)
Christmas was great this year - Jerod and I celebrated our Double Christmas Eve on the 23rd together at our house. Christmas Eve night we went to my parents house and went to the Christmas Eve service and went home to eat Chinese food. Christmas morning we opened presents together with my family (minus Brian and Kristin - they stayed in Seattle this year where they had a white Christmas). Then that afternoon we went to Jerod's family Christmas for mexican food...it was a great Christmas! Then I still had three more days off and Jerod and I got to relax, take down Christmas decorations, watch movies, play Xbox, do a couple of puzzles, pick out which room would be the nursery, etc.
This week is a short week at work - and then I get another four day weekend for New Year's! I hope you all had a great Christmas. I will keep trying to get pictures to post...
Monday, December 22, 2008
Nothing of much importance got done today at work - I sat here contemplating the thought of hearing tomorrow morning - "It's a girl" or "It's a boy". I really am falling more and more in love with this growing being inside - I feel him or her move more and more now and when I feel that my heart goes to mush and I just stop. I have a feeling these next few months are going to take a significant dip in being very productive at work...thank goodness most of my job is planning parties, delivering checks and just talking.
Until I have more news tomorrow...stay warm!
Thursday, December 18, 2008
This was not the best picture (faceless and me sassy w/ the hand on the hip) but you can see the bump...being pregnant has proven to be the weirdest experience of my life to date...
I can seriously be happier than ever in one moment, I mean a happiness I can't really explain - elated, and then an hour later sobbing on the couch feeling like everything is wrong and being so overwhelmed with the rawest emotions. Usually these come and go in fleeting moments, but this past weekend it set in for a couple of days. My sweet husband was so very patient with me and just hugged me and didn't try to "fix" it - one huge " THANK YOU GOD!" for a man who is willing to just listen and hug. Thank you for a dear friend, a mom of two, who told me it is normal. I needed to hear that too. There is a lot of guilt associated with those down moments b/c I kick myself saying you should only be elated.
Other weird things...coming home from work and not being able to decide between pancakes, fried rice or french fries so indulging in a combo meal at home that you can't get anywhere else.
...coming home from work and wanting to do nothing but clean the house and organize- I realized last night as I was vacuuming that there were a few big chores that if I don't do in the next couple of months, I won't be able to do them myself b/c bending over and cleaning or organizing on your hands and knees may prove to be a new challenge. And my inspiration for organizing was the January issue of Better Homes and Garden...the closets and drawers in that magazine made me so envious.
...eating dinner at 5:30 and then falling asleep by accident and waking up at 10 - then not being able to actually go to bed - this is happening less and less, but sleep is all kinds of out of whack - now more so due to the unscheduled pee breaks at 3 and 5 am. It's clockwork this week.
Next Tuesday is the big doctor appointment, everyone pray with us that little one is healthy and growing just perfectly, that little one cooperates and lets us see all the necessary parts so we know what it is, and praise with us that we get to see him/her. Technology is amazing!!! I can't wait to visually get to know him/her better next week. Oh I can't wait!!!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Here are a few pics, but I will post the link to the photographers site when they are available because those will be the good pics...the photographer is amazing.
Doesn't Jerod look all handsome in the suit...he has the perfect shoulders for suits. I waited until the very last minute to put on my dress because it was cold, it didn't fit really well and I felt very busty and big in it...So I have no pics of the bridesmaid dresses at this point or a pic of Kristin in her dress...But there they are eating at the reception - she had this really cool veil she wore at the reception that she made.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Being pregnant is an overnight invitation to becoming less selfish, being more mindful of others, and feeling very humbled. One day I was just me and then after a three minute waiting period I was responsible for someone else. This bit is still a little overwhelming but I have grasped it best by just saying, "Thank you, God!" I can't figure this thing out, I can't know what is going to happen, I can't judge, expect or plan every bit of my life anymore the same way. I don't know what happened exactly - it just did. My heart is so much more thankful, so much more tender, and I love everything I have more than ever. The crappy thing is I am too tired a lot of time to express this anymore than to just feel it in my heart. I have peace, I have hope, I have so much adoration for Jerod, and I tremble in joy and wonder at the future because I know it will be so abundant in God's blessings and plan!
Monday, April 7, 2008
- I painted the patio furniture apple red...love it and will show it off tomorrow when I remember to take a picture.
- heard a great reminder on Sunday at church...Richard was speaking about the importance of speaking the Truth and listening only to Truth. But the verse I was left to really dwell on - was Luke 6:45 "A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." The challenge this week is for me to really try to take in Truth daily and to try to feed my heart what it needs rather than what my mind and daily circumstances tries to feed it when I myself starve it. It will be fed one way or the other, it is just a matter of how careful I am to feed it the right thing.
With all that I was sad to start today b/c I didn't want to leave weekend mode but at the same time I was relaxed and well set up to encouter the week...hope you all had a great weekend too!
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
"Thus says the LORD, "Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind And makes flesh his strength, And whose heart turns away from the LORD.
For he will be like a bush in the desert And will not see when prosperity comes, But will live in stony wastes in the wilderness, A land of salt without inhabitant.
Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD.
For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit. "
I am still pondering though...what does "whose trust is the Lord" mean?
I have recently realized how anxious of a person I am...I am constantly thinking not just daydreaming...scheming. This use to be a kind of witty and funny trait but over years of letting this trait go unchecked, it has become a type of vine that is slowly sucking the life out of my tree. Anxiety for me is worrying constantly in hopes that if I am always thinking it about a certain thing then surely I will eventually think a new response and it be the perfect solution to avoid trouble, have the most, or prevent something all together. Thinking about something to the point of ignoring other life giving and exciting topics ( that would be worth entertaining ) does not change a situation. An example - Thinking about our budget for the next week incessantly, doing the spreadsheet literally ten times a day will not change the amount of money I make - it's the same and completely unchangeable by me. The amount we owe on bills will not change if I retype them in over and over...BUT somehow I have told myself that by spending that much time OBSESSING I am being a more faithful steward of what we have...BULL...what we have is what we have and God would find me more faithful if I would follow the command "Do not be anxious..." rather than following the self created command "Worry, work it out and wait for it not to change". Satan traps us so well...he does not want me to feel like life is under control...God's control that is. he does not want me to realize that there is joy in not knowing everything. he does not want me to recognize God providing or God being true to His word and as long as I try to hold it all in the palm of my hands I cannot step back and realize that HE has it all under control and even happening exactly the way that HE knows it needs to.
So I want to be a tree...a person who trusts in the Lord, who stands strong and is unshaken by the storms, the trials, the things of life, but rather stands with confidence, with fruit (joy, peace, love, patience, etc.). Rooted enough that I will stand still rather than trying to run in circles all the time trying to fix everything or get everything all at once.
I want to throw my worry to the stream ... I want my anxiety to quit choking out the fruit in my life. Lord help me...
Friday, March 7, 2008
2. That joy comes in the morning... is true. Don't you get excited when scripture proves itself true in your life or when we are willing to let it be true in our life rather. Last night I went to bed and cried lots and lots, felt awful, and knew that the circumstances wouldn't necessasrily be different in the morning. But God is good and He reminded me this mroning in Psalms 135 that He tests our hearts and that this trying of hearts is required for refining and to be made righteous by Him. The peace of realizing your feelings are a part of God's process and not out own scheme against ourselves is joyful.
3. It is Friday and there are only six hours left in this work day!
4. Tonight we get to keep Luke and Zack for a sleepover. Luke and Zack are Alison's two wonderful boys ages 3 and almost 1. Talk about good practice. We are going to make pizzas and cookies tonight. Yum...
5. Tomorrow if weather permits I am going to Dallas Blooms and enjoy the first glimpses of spring oh and that makes me so happy. I love flowers!!!!!
6. Sunday is daylight savings. Which I won't be happy about when getting up an hour "early" but I will be happy about when at 6:30 that night it is still light outside. I love the freedom of being able to take a walk in the late evening. I feel like I gain hours to my day of functionality.
7. I painted my nails red last night - I don't know that I love the red...it make take a while to get use too but I love the fact that I took the time to paint them immediately after I had the thought "you should paint your nails."
8. Jerod and I have several good movies and recorded TiVo shows to watch this weekend - to name a few - Lost, Jericho, Michael Clayton, and I don't remember what else...
9. Thinking about getting to wear spring clothes soon...yes I know that I started with snow on #1, but getting dressed this morning I kept thinking how great it will be to wear skirts and to feel not so bulky all the time with layers and boots and all.
10. That at 5:30 I get to spend the next 62 hours with these two wonderful guys...
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Now this is what I really want to talk about! That night was spent trying to soak in every moment of the warmth because still at this point we don't know how long it will last before the teasing sun hides again for a few days and then reemerges as it formalizes into spring officially. With every season that changes, I am starting to have a deeper sense that this is a very spiritual thing. I think that it is God's sweet and gentle way of reminding us that time is passing. He is still there, and He asks us to look into our lives with an open mind and maybe ask some deep and hard questions. Have I been obedient to the steps He has been bidding me to take? Have I loved as He has asked me to love? Have I grown in the last season of life? what does God want to plant in this next season to see bloom?
Ok ... so then last night it snows! What ? ?!!? I know - but I have to say that we were sitting out on the front door step watching the beauty fall and I had a moment where God spoke...He needed to remind me as these seasons are changing that nothing is impossible with Him. He can make the sun beams turn to the most beautiful snowflakes in hours. He can make all things white and new when exposed to the light.
I have been in a really long season (years) of knowing God. I have learned so much about Him. I have been excited and encouraged and I have testimony to His work in my life. I know Him well. BUT I want to be free to Believe Him!!! Not Believe in Him, but Believe HIM. Please hear the difference. I have been going through a Beth Moore study and we finished our last week last night. See God isn't quiet - He speaks in lots of ways all at once I think when He really wants us to hear. And as I have been preparing over the last few days for this night I have had a depressing spirit set in...as I realized that once again I had increased my knowledge without letting it change my belief in a way that actually starts to have power and affect on my life in action. Not that life with God is determined by work and deed but what is knowledge without being changed and affected by what you are learning. God teaches and reveals so that we may become more like His Son and live free...I am starting to feel my knowledge enslave me as I continue to deny it any more life than what it posses in my head.
For now that is all...I needed to use this place as a point of motivation for myself. I needed to write it and say it outside of my head so that I can move forward.
Monday, February 11, 2008
That was our weekend in a snapshot and since I forgot the camera b/c I was too busy talking on Friday as we left - that's all you get for visual. :)
For the last three years Jerod and I have headed off to Pine Cove the week of Valentine's Day for a married couples retreat. The weekend includes a speaker, lots of food, lots of nature and these cabins that we have grown to love almost as much as a room with down feathered bedding. What I loved most about this weekend this year was just sheerly enjoying my husband completely and totally for just who he is as a man - not for his successes, his talents, his dreams, etc. but enjoying his laugh, his goofiness, his free spirit, his unplanned planning ability, his leadership when I didn't want to decide what to do next, his care as he kept telling me to get farther off the road when I car would come as we were jogging (it was kind of like he thought I might trip.?!?!? what, me?), and his jaw line ( with the bit of scruff that starts to grow on a long weekend). Together I loved not thinking about time, laying around watching movies between sessions, soaking in the sun, sitting out on a zip line field at night looking at the stars realizing how small the little dipper is comparison to the big dipper, discovering jalepeno flavored pretzels, and oh so much more...
I am one lucky woman! I pray to keep a certain perspective this week - I want to love this week for the inside things, for the man, for the parts that I see in rest and to treasure those things because they are so beautiful and safe and secure and sweet. Jerod, my burly beautifully made spontaneous and free man, thank you for a great weekend...I love you!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Jerod's website is now up - www.jerodstarkey.com
CD's are available on the website
Thank you all so much for your prayers and support. The whole night was an incredible blessing and he was flawless.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
This week has gone by really fast thus far and really smoothly - praise God. Sunday night is going to be amazing - I have no doubts that Jerod will present an amazing performance and will steal the hearts of all there. I have no doubts that God will show up and wow us all with His faithfulness and as He unfolds more purpose behind this call. He has already shown us this week how this is going to be the one of the biggest experiences of our life to date where the culmination of all of both of our worlds will be in one room together. There will be more opportunity in that room at one time than Jerod and I have ever been able or willing to put together on our own and I am hoping and praying that God will do something enormous with that whether it be for us to see that night or if it something that happens that we never know about. I pray for a belief in the impossible and I pray for a hope in the unseen to be the feeling left with people that night. I desire for people to want more and to believe God wants more for them. This is hard and this is my own prayer- God - please make mine and Jerod's life a testimony that you are faithful, you are good, you never leave us alone and that it is worth waiting on your ways that are bigger and greater that our ways, please let us be patient to wait for your mind and thoughts about things rather than relying and limiting ourselves to our thoughts.
I want to share a song with you guys...this song is the song that Jerod wrote for me about a year ago...let me give you a bit of background. Over the past few years I have really struggled with being patient - I have worked a job that I don't love - I don't hate it all the time but I don't always like it. We have sacrificed a lot of the norm to follow this dream and we have not done things the easy way a lot of the time. So over the past few years I would have melt down weeks, weeks where I just couldn't see the good and it was just harder to hold on to the truth. So my sweet dear husband who is completely faithful to trying to understand me and to listen and to try to fix things got to the point where there was nothing left to say...he had talked me through every angle and it just didn't help BUT then one evening I came home to this song and let me tell you that moment was like none other. To sit in my living room and to be touched to the very core of my heart mind and soul by the gift that my husband has been given to relate the whispers of God and his own feelings through song. This song gave my heart peace when words couldn't, this song has given me tears of motivation over and over in this last leg of the race and I can't wait for you to all hear it but read it with me now and praise God with me now as I can say I am laughing in delight at what is behind us and have laughter for the days to come because God is faithful!!! Thank you my dear sweet husband for being faithful to your gift and to listening to the words of our God - you are my most precious gift. And I think a lot of you need to just hear someone say "Baby hold on..." find peace in the FACT that God is saying it to us all.
Baby Hold On
Music & Lyrics by Jerod Starkey
For Elaine 1 / 30 / 2007
You’ve felt this strain for a long time now
Escape from the pain is always on your mind
And I don’t know what to say to you anymore
And I know you’ve heard these words before
Baby hold on a little while longer
You’re gonna make it through
Baby hold on and one day soon
You’ll laugh at what’s behind you
I know you’re thinking ‘It’s not supposed to be this way’
It’s been so long you’ve forgotten why you’re waiting anyway
Sometimes we have to hold on to things we can’t see
‘Cause it makes us the people we’re supposed to be
Baby hold on a little while longer
You’re gonna make it through
Baby hold on and one day soon
You’ll laugh at what’s behind you
Oh maybe one day there will come a time
When you have no worries on your mind
© 2007/2008 Britches Publishing
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Loyal: unswerving in allegiance, faithful to
Faithful: steadfast in affection or allegiance
(Definitions provided by Webster Dictionary)
"Your loyal heart is the only part of His expansion plan that He will not provide" - Bruce Wilkinson
This made me really stop and think...what am I loyal to? Am I truly committing a loyal heart to God's plan? Do I have a unswerving allegiance and steadfast affection for God? Do I approach each day with my heart held out to God saying here you go? -- I trust you completely that you will do nothing but lead me in a way that is in love and I believe that perfect love defeats fear - can you imagine the freedom that would come from a completely devoted and loyal heart?
So any biggest loser watchers out there? Jerod and I were catching up on some TiVo last night and we watched the last two weeks episodes of The Biggest Loser. I cried. We really like this show - as far as reality shows go this is the only one that has gotten us roped in - there is nothing like getting to watch people decide they are going to get it...they are going to do what they have believed for so long is impossible and then work like crazy. The thing I like about it too is I feel like they set them up to be able to remain successful even when the pressure is gone and most of their follow up shows seem to prove this to be true for a majority of past contestants.
I want to be motivated to work out just on a regular basis- and I think a little competition would be good for me. I am just slightly competitive (wink wink)...but if I had a group of girls that were all wanting to get healthier and we had little contests going and prizes I think I would do great. Maybe for example whoever gets in the gym four times a week for no less than 45 minutes gets taken out to dinner by the rest of the girls. (Healthy place of course - or maybe we could even get mean and that girl gets to splurge on one item and the rest have to watch or the winner can choose to share - that sounds like how a show would do it - right?)
Oh well ... I guess I should go work, but I had to post and give my countdown shout out...I can't believe it is only ten days away...God is so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Join us for the CD Release Party for "Driven" by Jerod Starkey at the Lakewood Theatre on Sunday, January 27th at 6pm. Admission is free, so invite friends and family for an incredible performance. Doors open at 6pm and the concert will start at 6:30pm. For more information call 214.319.6020.
Lakewood Theatre - 1825 Abrams Parkway - Dallas, TX 75214
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Jerod - He just makes me smile - His determination to love me - He had dinner waiting for me at home (w/ dessert) on Monday so I could eat before going to my Bible Study - He loves to talk to me and he has been so transaparent with me through life and at moments like this I am so thankful for them because I get to watch him grow and it makes me love him so much - And guys this man is working so hard and pushing forward and he is about to finish one of the biggest races of his life and it is the spectacular race I have watched with him so far and I can't wait!!
These girls - my five college roommates - we had our monthly phone conference last night and it always makes me so happy to realize how lucky we are to have each other. We are all so perfectly different that it works and it is great to grow up together.
Work this week has been great too...I don't have a picture for that...but I have been busy, I have learned more this week than I have in the six months I have been in this position and I can say that I have been glad to be there.
So there you go...that is me today. I am smiling.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
I post this because I am asking that those of you reading who know me well and are around me a lot...when you see me planning, controlling (which often surfaces as thinking too much) I beg that you ask me who is in control?
Sorry so serious, I promise the next post will not be this serious. I really hope that everyone had a great holiday season and is as excited about all the unknown and hopeful things for 2008!!!