Tuesday, December 30, 2008

It's a GIRL!!!

We are having a beautiful healthy little baby girl - her name is Cana.
It was amazing to see her again, she went from a tiny blinking dot to a six inch, .55lb child. In four short months she has grown so fast and developed a little personality. The nurse said that she was a big mover and she kept waving at us throughout the sonogram...she even gave us two big yawns. It was hilarious and wonderful - (sorry for no pictures, but I have tried over and over to get the sonogram pictures on here without any success)

Christmas was great this year - Jerod and I celebrated our Double Christmas Eve on the 23rd together at our house. Christmas Eve night we went to my parents house and went to the Christmas Eve service and went home to eat Chinese food. Christmas morning we opened presents together with my family (minus Brian and Kristin - they stayed in Seattle this year where they had a white Christmas). Then that afternoon we went to Jerod's family Christmas for mexican was a great Christmas! Then I still had three more days off and Jerod and I got to relax, take down Christmas decorations, watch movies, play Xbox, do a couple of puzzles, pick out which room would be the nursery, etc.

This week is a short week at work - and then I get another four day weekend for New Year's! I hope you all had a great Christmas. I will keep trying to get pictures to post...

Monday, December 22, 2008

I want to be home...

Why do we have to be grown up? I want to be home with Jerod baking Christmas goodies we don't need, wrapping presents, listening to blaring Christmas music and not working.
Nothing of much importance got done today at work - I sat here contemplating the thought of hearing tomorrow morning - "It's a girl" or "It's a boy". I really am falling more and more in love with this growing being inside - I feel him or her move more and more now and when I feel that my heart goes to mush and I just stop. I have a feeling these next few months are going to take a significant dip in being very productive at work...thank goodness most of my job is planning parties, delivering checks and just talking.

Until I have more news tomorrow...stay warm!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Picture requested...

It is weird to post pictures of your growing self on a blog. I know that it is the thing I go and check for everyday when my friends are pregnat, but it is weird to do it for yourself. So here is a picture I had Jerod take the other morning - meet baby Starkey - growing, moving, and changing me every day more and more.
This was not the best picture (faceless and me sassy w/ the hand on the hip) but you can see the bump...being pregnant has proven to be the weirdest experience of my life to date...
I can seriously be happier than ever in one moment, I mean a happiness I can't really explain - elated, and then an hour later sobbing on the couch feeling like everything is wrong and being so overwhelmed with the rawest emotions. Usually these come and go in fleeting moments, but this past weekend it set in for a couple of days. My sweet husband was so very patient with me and just hugged me and didn't try to "fix" it - one huge " THANK YOU GOD!" for a man who is willing to just listen and hug. Thank you for a dear friend, a mom of two, who told me it is normal. I needed to hear that too. There is a lot of guilt associated with those down moments b/c I kick myself saying you should only be elated.

Other weird things...coming home from work and not being able to decide between pancakes, fried rice or french fries so indulging in a combo meal at home that you can't get anywhere else.
...coming home from work and wanting to do nothing but clean the house and organize- I realized last night as I was vacuuming that there were a few big chores that if I don't do in the next couple of months, I won't be able to do them myself b/c bending over and cleaning or organizing on your hands and knees may prove to be a new challenge. And my inspiration for organizing was the January issue of Better Homes and Garden...the closets and drawers in that magazine made me so envious.
...eating dinner at 5:30 and then falling asleep by accident and waking up at 10 - then not being able to actually go to bed - this is happening less and less, but sleep is all kinds of out of whack - now more so due to the unscheduled pee breaks at 3 and 5 am. It's clockwork this week.

Next Tuesday is the big doctor appointment, everyone pray with us that little one is healthy and growing just perfectly, that little one cooperates and lets us see all the necessary parts so we know what it is, and praise with us that we get to see him/her. Technology is amazing!!! I can't wait to visually get to know him/her better next week. Oh I can't wait!!!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

12 Weeks and a Wedding


Time goes by so fast! I am at 12 weeks this week and I can't believe how fast it is going by. At our last appointment we saw the baby's heartbeat, such a fast little sweet sound. We will find out on December 23rd what we are having (as long as he/she cooperates, please God!) I can not wait to find out what we are having - Jerod has decided that it is a boy and has me calling it a him simply out of repetition of hearing it. Some days I am completely convinced that it is a boy too and then there are days where I am sure it is a girl...I don't have that overwhelming sense one way or another.
I am feeling better all the time...I can stay awake a little later at night, and the random bouts of nausea are gone. The most amazing thing right now is the hunger that will strike without any warning and turn me into a complete monster. Jerod can see it coming on now and starts suggesting food as the mood and facial expressions start to turn. I am slightly showing - I can tell everyday because nothing fits anymore at all - and maternity clothes - they are weird.

I mean look at this - while in Seattle, Jerod and I stopped in Old Navy to look at their maternity section and really - what is this? It was a one piece adult onesie and it had belt loops around the low waist line - where would one wear this? And yes, I know the tights and boots help but dang it was cold in there.


Brian's wedding was great! Jerod and I got there on Wednesday and spent the first couple of days helping Brian with last minute details and then we got to just hang out in Seattle - shopping, eating and walking Pike's Market. I am so excited for Brian, he was so happy all week and so ready to be married. Kristin is amazing and it will be really nice to have her in the family. I have to say that I did pretty well- I made it through talking at the rehearsal dinner (only choking up at the end) and then during the ceremony - I cried but not uncontrollably. I hadn't really thought through the fact that I would be staring at him the whole time from where I was standing, so I kept just looking past at a window. Oh and I avoided the very near fall walking down the aisle slipping on a rose petal. Can you imagine if I actually had a story about falling while walking down the aisle at my brother's wedding? Oh my gosh I am so glad that did NOT happen. Jerod did get to walk three girls back up the aisle after the ceremony and it was completely hilarious...they weren't all at the rehearsal so he didn't know that it would happen until in the moment and then everyone in the room just started laughing - it was great.

Here are a few pics, but I will post the link to the photographers site when they are available because those will be the good pics...the photographer is amazing.

This was at the Rehearsal dinner...

Doesn't Jerod look all handsome in the suit...he has the perfect shoulders for suits. I waited until the very last minute to put on my dress because it was cold, it didn't fit really well and I felt very busty and big in it...So I have no pics of the bridesmaid dresses at this point or a pic of Kristin in her dress...But there they are eating at the reception - she had this really cool veil she wore at the reception that she made.

Here they are leaving the wedding...
And then it was all done...a great day, a great trip, and now here we are back at home looking the holidays quickly approaching. I am trying to finish up end of the year projects at work and Jerod is busy preparing for his part as Scrooge in a Christmas play this year! He is discovering that he can really act...I can't wait for the shows!

Friday, October 3, 2008

This might help me start blogging again...

I am pregnant!!! Even just typing the words still seems a little unreal. I know it's true, three pregnancy tests, unexplainable degrees of tiredness, waves of nausea and then a little heartbeat on a sonogram, but even still there are moments it still hits like a ton of bricks. What I am going to be a mom ???? The due date is May 27th. It is such a blessing of timing...I got pregnant before turning 30 (by two weeks), I will not be showing by Brian's wedding in November, I will have the baby before Kristen leaves for college next September, and I won't have to be huge during a Dallas summer!!

Being pregnant is an overnight invitation to becoming less selfish, being more mindful of others, and feeling very humbled. One day I was just me and then after a three minute waiting period I was responsible for someone else. This bit is still a little overwhelming but I have grasped it best by just saying, "Thank you, God!" I can't figure this thing out, I can't know what is going to happen, I can't judge, expect or plan every bit of my life anymore the same way. I don't know what happened exactly - it just did. My heart is so much more thankful, so much more tender, and I love everything I have more than ever. The crappy thing is I am too tired a lot of time to express this anymore than to just feel it in my heart. I have peace, I have hope, I have so much adoration for Jerod, and I tremble in joy and wonder at the future because I know it will be so abundant in God's blessings and plan!

Monday, April 7, 2008

Weekend rundown...

This weekend:

-was fun

-was relaxing

-was spent outside as much as possible

-I got my first sunburn for '08 - not proud of this necessarily except it means I did what I wanted to do this weekend and spent it all outside.

-Jerod and I watched a great movie: Dan in Real Life

-I planted tomato plants - Jerod and I love we are really hoping to have our own this year along with jalepeno peppers and basil...(I will let you knwo how they all grow) acutally I need to take a picture of this and you can obsess over every mm of growth with me over the summer.

-we worked out on Sunday - we have discoverd working out on Sunday is key to us being successful about consistently working out through the week - if we start like that we feel obligated/challenged/driven (I don't know what word best fits here) to stay "good" all week with daily activity and eating well. Something about not wanting to mess up what we have started.

- I got my very own sander to work on furniture now anytime I want - yippee...Meet my sander:

- I painted the patio furniture apple it and will show it off tomorrow when I remember to take a picture.

- heard a great reminder on Sunday at church...Richard was speaking about the importance of speaking the Truth and listening only to Truth. But the verse I was left to really dwell on - was Luke 6:45 "A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." The challenge this week is for me to really try to take in Truth daily and to try to feed my heart what it needs rather than what my mind and daily circumstances tries to feed it when I myself starve it. It will be fed one way or the other, it is just a matter of how careful I am to feed it the right thing.

With all that I was sad to start today b/c I didn't want to leave weekend mode but at the same time I was relaxed and well set up to encouter the week...hope you all had a great weekend too!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

One day/moment at a time...

It is funny to me how when you are floating along in life, with feelings of unsatisfaction and not for sure of your next step - you can talk and write endlessly. My hiatus from words over the past couple of weeks symbolize a recognition in my life of some areas I really need to submit to God and some dreams I need to start living for me. Putting these things into words is a little scary to me and thus, I have declined over the last couple of weeks. I don't want to jinx myself, I don't want to play my typical game of overachieving and setting my own bar too high so that there is no way I could ever be successful and let's be honest do I really want to be accountable to words spoken out loud. I am trying to teach myself to live today for today. I am working on my anxiety and to turn my gifts of foresight and planning back into a good trait rather than a suffocating one for myself and those around me. I have starved myself of happiness in trying to be responsible for the world and in trying to make everything always make sense. (Setting yourself up for impossible goals will never lead to a good place) I have found ways to manage my stress which have actually only ended up creating new stresses and problems for me to deal with so again one day at a time. That's it .. .I can't say anymore - it becomes to big and I can't fix it all at day at a time. Each moment for each moment.
The most exciting updates from the last few weeks are these...

1) I got my hair cut short (about 8 inches off)...this was in response to things not having to make sense...I have been wanting to for a while now, but I couldn't justify it from every I hadn't done it, but Saturday I decided it didn't matter if it was the best decision - it is hair and if I didn't love would grow back. I do love it though...

2) I am working on several "projects" - ok so my secret dream is to decorate and make things for homes...I love painting old furninture, I love making things, and decorating things, and making things look pretty. Moving into my house and painting and arranging and picking out furniture, fabrics, etc was the most wonderfully suprising joy in my life. I could do that everyday for anyone for free and be the happiest girl around. Evie and I dream of opening a store some day, selling restored furniture, stationary, and many many home furnishings. So because my head has been about to explode with ideas and things I "want" to do - I decided I needed to start doing them - you don't know if you can't have what you really want unless you to try to get it. So as baby steps I am starting a few is ever for someone else which is the most exciting thing. A woman from my church came over one night for dinner and saw a cabinet I had done and since then has requested for me to do a table for her. So I have actually been commissioned and I am giddy. So tonight is my first night to work on this and I will keep you updated.

3) I have a husband that I love going through crap with because there is nothing like getting on the other side of stuff and realizing how absolutely in love I am with him when it's easy, hard and all the stuff in between.

4) I have some of the best friends in the world who are always there and listen and ask and care...and I love having good friends.

And here are a few Easter pics way too late but my nieces are so cute they need to be posted...

So the lessone we learned...take group pictures before you hunt the easter eggs...this is the best picture of them together b/c they didn't want to sit there they wanted to go through their eggs...who can blame them - they got rings with lip gloss in the stone.
Jayci got so excited with every egg she found...the funny thing was she was barefoot and would not step in the mulch so she would just point until one of us would scoot it closer so she could reach them.
Ainsley loved the jeep...She may have loved it almost as much as Jerod loves it.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Tribute to spring...

I love the spring...I love the colors...the flowers...the warmer air - I love it all. It makes me happy.

Here is what I am looking at now--

Thursday, March 13, 2008

I want to be a strong tree...

Jeremiah 17:5 thru 8
"Thus says the LORD, "Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind And makes flesh his strength, And whose heart turns away from the LORD.
For he will be like a bush in the desert And will not see when prosperity comes, But will live in stony wastes in the wilderness, A land of salt without inhabitant.
Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD And whose trust is the LORD.
For he will be like a tree planted by the water, That extends its roots by a stream And will not fear when the heat comes; But its leaves will be green, And it will not be anxious in a year of drought Nor cease to yield fruit. "

I am still pondering though...what does "whose trust is the Lord" mean?
I have recently realized how anxious of a person I am...I am constantly thinking not just daydreaming...scheming. This use to be a kind of witty and funny trait but over years of letting this trait go unchecked, it has become a type of vine that is slowly sucking the life out of my tree. Anxiety for me is worrying constantly in hopes that if I am always thinking it about a certain thing then surely I will eventually think a new response and it be the perfect solution to avoid trouble, have the most, or prevent something all together. Thinking about something to the point of ignoring other life giving and exciting topics ( that would be worth entertaining ) does not change a situation. An example - Thinking about our budget for the next week incessantly, doing the spreadsheet literally ten times a day will not change the amount of money I make - it's the same and completely unchangeable by me. The amount we owe on bills will not change if I retype them in over and over...BUT somehow I have told myself that by spending that much time OBSESSING I am being a more faithful steward of what we have...BULL...what we have is what we have and God would find me more faithful if I would follow the command "Do not be anxious..." rather than following the self created command "Worry, work it out and wait for it not to change". Satan traps us so well...he does not want me to feel like life is under control...God's control that is. he does not want me to realize that there is joy in not knowing everything. he does not want me to recognize God providing or God being true to His word and as long as I try to hold it all in the palm of my hands I cannot step back and realize that HE has it all under control and even happening exactly the way that HE knows it needs to.

So I want to be a tree...a person who trusts in the Lord, who stands strong and is unshaken by the storms, the trials, the things of life, but rather stands with confidence, with fruit (joy, peace, love, patience, etc.). Rooted enough that I will stand still rather than trying to run in circles all the time trying to fix everything or get everything all at once.
I want to throw my worry to the stream ... I want my anxiety to quit choking out the fruit in my life. Lord help me...

Friday, March 7, 2008

10 Things I am excited about right now...

1. This morning I woke up to a couple inches of snow - there is nothing like that to make your heart a little giddy. But truth be told by the time I left for work two hours later it was gone. I am glad I got up early this morning.

2. That joy comes in the morning... is true. Don't you get excited when scripture proves itself true in your life or when we are willing to let it be true in our life rather. Last night I went to bed and cried lots and lots, felt awful, and knew that the circumstances wouldn't necessasrily be different in the morning. But God is good and He reminded me this mroning in Psalms 135 that He tests our hearts and that this trying of hearts is required for refining and to be made righteous by Him. The peace of realizing your feelings are a part of God's process and not out own scheme against ourselves is joyful.

3. It is Friday and there are only six hours left in this work day!

4. Tonight we get to keep Luke and Zack for a sleepover. Luke and Zack are Alison's two wonderful boys ages 3 and almost 1. Talk about good practice. We are going to make pizzas and cookies tonight. Yum...

5. Tomorrow if weather permits I am going to Dallas Blooms and enjoy the first glimpses of spring oh and that makes me so happy. I love flowers!!!!!

6. Sunday is daylight savings. Which I won't be happy about when getting up an hour "early" but I will be happy about when at 6:30 that night it is still light outside. I love the freedom of being able to take a walk in the late evening. I feel like I gain hours to my day of functionality.

7. I painted my nails red last night - I don't know that I love the make take a while to get use too but I love the fact that I took the time to paint them immediately after I had the thought "you should paint your nails."

8. Jerod and I have several good movies and recorded TiVo shows to watch this weekend - to name a few - Lost, Jericho, Michael Clayton, and I don't remember what else...

9. Thinking about getting to wear spring clothes soon...yes I know that I started with snow on #1, but getting dressed this morning I kept thinking how great it will be to wear skirts and to feel not so bulky all the time with layers and boots and all.

10. That at 5:30 I get to spend the next 62 hours with these two wonderful guys...

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Belief: "80 to snow"

So let me start this post by telling you about Saturday...a beautiful day. I woke up that morning the way I love to wake up - on my own - no alarm. Made some coffee, sat for awhile working on my Beth Moore study, trying to entertain Harrison so that he wouldn't wake up Jerod - finally gave that up as I was starting to get my feelings hurt that he would rather be with his sleeping dad than his awake mom trying to feed him peanut butter. In efforts to erase the twinge of jealousy I decided it was because Jerod walks him and takes him outside - I am the comforter and he didn't want to be comforted at that moment. See another lesson from our dog child that will help us be good parents. :) Anyways - back to Saturday- the day rolled on as the sun grew hotter and hotter and we spent the day - all day - outside. The winter white skin appreciated it, my spirit loved it and the jeep was glad to be topless again. The season is changing...
Now this is what I really want to talk about! That night was spent trying to soak in every moment of the warmth because still at this point we don't know how long it will last before the teasing sun hides again for a few days and then reemerges as it formalizes into spring officially. With every season that changes, I am starting to have a deeper sense that this is a very spiritual thing. I think that it is God's sweet and gentle way of reminding us that time is passing. He is still there, and He asks us to look into our lives with an open mind and maybe ask some deep and hard questions. Have I been obedient to the steps He has been bidding me to take? Have I loved as He has asked me to love? Have I grown in the last season of life? what does God want to plant in this next season to see bloom?

Ok ... so then last night it snows! What ? ?!!? I know - but I have to say that we were sitting out on the front door step watching the beauty fall and I had a moment where God spoke...He needed to remind me as these seasons are changing that nothing is impossible with Him. He can make the sun beams turn to the most beautiful snowflakes in hours. He can make all things white and new when exposed to the light.

I have been in a really long season (years) of knowing God. I have learned so much about Him. I have been excited and encouraged and I have testimony to His work in my life. I know Him well. BUT I want to be free to Believe Him!!! Not Believe in Him, but Believe HIM. Please hear the difference. I have been going through a Beth Moore study and we finished our last week last night. See God isn't quiet - He speaks in lots of ways all at once I think when He really wants us to hear. And as I have been preparing over the last few days for this night I have had a depressing spirit set I realized that once again I had increased my knowledge without letting it change my belief in a way that actually starts to have power and affect on my life in action. Not that life with God is determined by work and deed but what is knowledge without being changed and affected by what you are learning. God teaches and reveals so that we may become more like His Son and live free...I am starting to feel my knowledge enslave me as I continue to deny it any more life than what it posses in my head.

For now that is all...I needed to use this place as a point of motivation for myself. I needed to write it and say it outside of my head so that I can move forward.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Weekend in the woods...

Imagine a picture here - heavily wooded background (with winter trees) pine trees and lots of leafless east texas beauties...then a two lane road down the middle growing into a hill as you follow it out to the horizon and then the sun beating down casting perfect shadowing opportunities all along the side of one lane and then me and Jerod jogging next to each other on the sunny side of the road, looking at one another and panting (b/c we are going up the hill - remember) and laughing and both silently reflecting on how much we love each other.

That was our weekend in a snapshot and since I forgot the camera b/c I was too busy talking on Friday as we left - that's all you get for visual. :)

For the last three years Jerod and I have headed off to Pine Cove the week of Valentine's Day for a married couples retreat. The weekend includes a speaker, lots of food, lots of nature and these cabins that we have grown to love almost as much as a room with down feathered bedding. What I loved most about this weekend this year was just sheerly enjoying my husband completely and totally for just who he is as a man - not for his successes, his talents, his dreams, etc. but enjoying his laugh, his goofiness, his free spirit, his unplanned planning ability, his leadership when I didn't want to decide what to do next, his care as he kept telling me to get farther off the road when I car would come as we were jogging (it was kind of like he thought I might trip.?!?!? what, me?), and his jaw line ( with the bit of scruff that starts to grow on a long weekend). Together I loved not thinking about time, laying around watching movies between sessions, soaking in the sun, sitting out on a zip line field at night looking at the stars realizing how small the little dipper is comparison to the big dipper, discovering jalepeno flavored pretzels, and oh so much more...

I am one lucky woman! I pray to keep a certain perspective this week - I want to love this week for the inside things, for the man, for the parts that I see in rest and to treasure those things because they are so beautiful and safe and secure and sweet. Jerod, my burly beautifully made spontaneous and free man, thank you for a great weekend...I love you!

Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Big Night

There are not really words enough to explain everything that went on Sunday night....

Major thoughts resulting from the weekend:
**Why do we worry? Why do we let our bodies physically suffer from the stress of things that we have no control over? - So there were suppose to be two sound guys - one in the house and one on stage - well the main guy was flying in and was scheduled to arrive at the theatre by 3:30ish...well at about 5:30 sound check started without him. And this was the scariest sound check ever, the drums were so loud it hurt, I could not hear Jerod at all, and I freaked out. I finally realized that there was nothing I could do at that point and if I stayed I would probably have a heart attack and ruin the whole night, so I opted to go next door to a restaurant and see if I knew anyone there...thank God - I did...and so I spent a while over there. Sound check went late so doors opened late BUT let me tell you what happened next.

**We need to ask God - I wonder how much we don't receive because we just don't ask Him...
Jerod and I asked for some very specific, nearly impossible things that night - and God answered.

**My husband is gifted and the gift is from above - Jerod is talented, but God has given him a lot of supernatural things that happen when he performs that aren't of Jerod and I want to know more about what God says about this part of that night. Makes me want to know what my God given gift is that when I am in the middle of obedience with it, what supernaturally comes out that isn't of me. Do we all have that thing somewhere in our being to be found?

**We have the most incredible friends and family ... So I had the wonderful job of standing in the lobby and greeting people. Let me tell you there is something so exciting and overwhelming about standing in a glass front lobby and looking out across a parking lot and seeing people just flood in - people from all over the place, people that I was so incredibly touched that were there to support us and be a part of the excitement. I think I speak for both Jerod and I when I say the people made that night so special. There were aproximately 350 people there - WOW.

**Jerod was flawless all night...
He opened the concert with Asking (as soon as this song started I lost it - there it was the first note...perfect...the sound...perfect...I could hear Jerod!!!! All that crazy worry for nothing-God was in control and I knew I needed to just hold on, relax, and enjoy) Then he did a gospel/ r&b set, then he played two songs at the piano by himself (my song and It Is Well) which he played perfect, after that there was a pop medley of songs where the kids there were all dancing down front (so fun), and then ended with a few more of his songs and finally Driven. When the next to last song started I turned to my friend, Angel and started to tear up again because it was almost over. The concert went by so fast. But there it was- the night was everything we had hoped for plus a lot more...

**I don't really know what to think still...there were a lot of things that were so wonderful that happened that night, but I have to honestly say that life didn't feel as different afterwards as I thought it would. I think one thing God is wanting to tell my heart from this night is to stop thinking that only one thing can happen at a time. This music thing - it is going to be a part of life forever, and I do believe the night definitely planted a deeper sense of peace and confidence in this fact, but it also is not something that we can fully develop before moving on in other life goals and desires...the greatest thing to realize about music is that it won't ever be completely perfect and finished nor the work around it. There is probably a lot more to say here but I am not ready to say anymore yet...still waiting.

So here is what you are really waiting for ... THE PICTURES!!! Enjoy and if I missed any major point of the evening post your questions and I will be sure to respond...also if you haven't already check out the website

Tuesday, January 29, 2008


Sunday night was absolutely wonderful...I will give a full update of it tomorrow when I have pictures...
Jerod's website is now up -
CD's are available on the website

Thank you all so much for your prayers and support. The whole night was an incredible blessing and he was flawless.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

4 days...

It is only four days now until the big day and my stomach is here to testify. When I get excited and anxious my stomach takes the brunt...the butterflies move in and food doesn't want to settle. Come Sunday night at about 10 I will be starving.

This week has gone by really fast thus far and really smoothly - praise God. Sunday night is going to be amazing - I have no doubts that Jerod will present an amazing performance and will steal the hearts of all there. I have no doubts that God will show up and wow us all with His faithfulness and as He unfolds more purpose behind this call. He has already shown us this week how this is going to be the one of the biggest experiences of our life to date where the culmination of all of both of our worlds will be in one room together. There will be more opportunity in that room at one time than Jerod and I have ever been able or willing to put together on our own and I am hoping and praying that God will do something enormous with that whether it be for us to see that night or if it something that happens that we never know about. I pray for a belief in the impossible and I pray for a hope in the unseen to be the feeling left with people that night. I desire for people to want more and to believe God wants more for them. This is hard and this is my own prayer- God - please make mine and Jerod's life a testimony that you are faithful, you are good, you never leave us alone and that it is worth waiting on your ways that are bigger and greater that our ways, please let us be patient to wait for your mind and thoughts about things rather than relying and limiting ourselves to our thoughts.

I want to share a song with you guys...this song is the song that Jerod wrote for me about a year ago...let me give you a bit of background. Over the past few years I have really struggled with being patient - I have worked a job that I don't love - I don't hate it all the time but I don't always like it. We have sacrificed a lot of the norm to follow this dream and we have not done things the easy way a lot of the time. So over the past few years I would have melt down weeks, weeks where I just couldn't see the good and it was just harder to hold on to the truth. So my sweet dear husband who is completely faithful to trying to understand me and to listen and to try to fix things got to the point where there was nothing left to say...he had talked me through every angle and it just didn't help BUT then one evening I came home to this song and let me tell you that moment was like none other. To sit in my living room and to be touched to the very core of my heart mind and soul by the gift that my husband has been given to relate the whispers of God and his own feelings through song. This song gave my heart peace when words couldn't, this song has given me tears of motivation over and over in this last leg of the race and I can't wait for you to all hear it but read it with me now and praise God with me now as I can say I am laughing in delight at what is behind us and have laughter for the days to come because God is faithful!!! Thank you my dear sweet husband for being faithful to your gift and to listening to the words of our God - you are my most precious gift. And I think a lot of you need to just hear someone say "Baby hold on..." find peace in the FACT that God is saying it to us all.

Baby Hold On
Music & Lyrics by Jerod Starkey
For Elaine 1 / 30 / 2007


You’ve felt this strain for a long time now
Escape from the pain is always on your mind

And I don’t know what to say to you anymore
And I know you’ve heard these words before


Baby hold on a little while longer
You’re gonna make it through
Baby hold on and one day soon
You’ll laugh at what’s behind you


I know you’re thinking ‘It’s not supposed to be this way’
It’s been so long you’ve forgotten why you’re waiting anyway

Sometimes we have to hold on to things we can’t see
‘Cause it makes us the people we’re supposed to be


Baby hold on a little while longer
You’re gonna make it through
Baby hold on and one day soon
You’ll laugh at what’s behind you


Oh maybe one day there will come a time
When you have no worries on your mind

© 2007/2008 Britches Publishing

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Loyal to what...and by the way 10 DAYS!!!!!!!!!

Just a thought for the day...
Loyal: unswerving in allegiance, faithful to
Faithful: steadfast in affection or allegiance
(Definitions provided by Webster Dictionary)

"Your loyal heart is the only part of His expansion plan that He will not provide" - Bruce Wilkinson

This made me really stop and think...what am I loyal to? Am I truly committing a loyal heart to God's plan? Do I have a unswerving allegiance and steadfast affection for God? Do I approach each day with my heart held out to God saying here you go? -- I trust you completely that you will do nothing but lead me in a way that is in love and I believe that perfect love defeats fear - can you imagine the freedom that would come from a completely devoted and loyal heart?

So any biggest loser watchers out there? Jerod and I were catching up on some TiVo last night and we watched the last two weeks episodes of The Biggest Loser. I cried. We really like this show - as far as reality shows go this is the only one that has gotten us roped in - there is nothing like getting to watch people decide they are going to get it...they are going to do what they have believed for so long is impossible and then work like crazy. The thing I like about it too is I feel like they set them up to be able to remain successful even when the pressure is gone and most of their follow up shows seem to prove this to be true for a majority of past contestants.
I want to be motivated to work out just on a regular basis- and I think a little competition would be good for me. I am just slightly competitive (wink wink)...but if I had a group of girls that were all wanting to get healthier and we had little contests going and prizes I think I would do great. Maybe for example whoever gets in the gym four times a week for no less than 45 minutes gets taken out to dinner by the rest of the girls. (Healthy place of course - or maybe we could even get mean and that girl gets to splurge on one item and the rest have to watch or the winner can choose to share - that sounds like how a show would do it - right?)

Oh well ... I guess I should go work, but I had to post and give my countdown shout out...I can't believe it is only ten days away...God is so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Countdown begins...12 days

ANYONE AND EVERYONE IS WELCOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Join us for the CD Release Party for "Driven" by Jerod Starkey at the Lakewood Theatre on Sunday, January 27th at 6pm. Admission is free, so invite friends and family for an incredible performance. Doors open at 6pm and the concert will start at 6:30pm. For more information call 214.319.6020.
Lakewood Theatre - 1825 Abrams Parkway - Dallas, TX 75214

Thursday, January 10, 2008


I had the most amazing revelation the other day...

I woke up on Tuesday morning giddy, just really happy, that kind of happy where you realize you are smiling a lot because your cheeks start to hurt. I sat down on our couch to pray and work on my Bible study - but I was so excited that I couldn't even put into words to God what I was so joyful and delighted about. I just kept saying thank you thank you and the verse that came to mind was:
"And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weaknesses; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God." Romans 8:26-27

This verse has always meant to me in my head...when you are so stressed out, when things are so out of control, when I feel so lost, Jesus intercedes on my behalf my petitions, concerns and requests. In a moment I realized that Jesus intercedes on my behalf in praise too. And WOW - how I love that so much more. I wanted to just jump up and down.

What are the circumstances behind all this you ask - well I know they are rooted in the pride I have in Jerod right now. Eight years ago we started talking about him creating a CD of his own music and after many many ups and downs the calling never changed and God has seen it through and the CD Release Party is in less than three weeks. I am delighted in the faithfulness of God - I am delighted in the determination and the incredible work my Jerod has done - I am delighted that in three weeks I get to see my husband do something I have never seen before like this- I am delighted that God's grace is big enough that I am just delighted right now and not scolding myself for the unbelief and lack of hope I had at moments along the way to here. I am delighted that God is good and gracious and still works things out for good when I am not perfect. I am so glad that He requires obedience and not perfection. I am delighted that I am starting to understand that concept in just baby steps right now, but He is walking with me to know that for life.

So being in this state of mind and heart has then made me do somethings this week that have just made it all fun too. Like Sunday, I took the time to light every candle in the house and open all the windows and take the time to notice the circulation of the air through our house - to see a flicker of the candle and it make me happy. I know it's weird but I was living in that very moment not distracted by thoughts of anything other than exactly what I was taking in that moment. Then Jerod came home and we made up games in the backyard with a football and then we did cartwheels in the yard that night. I know - crazy - yes a little bit but it was good. And sometimes doing stupid things are good for our soul. But just wait the night gets weirder - long story short - I had never wrapped a house, I asked Jerod if he would take me, and we went and wrapped our best friend's house who lives a street over from us. I only had one roll of paper so it was nothing destructive at all but it was great! WE laughed for hours when we got home.

See we just got their light post and one big strand in one of their big trees ( so it really wasn't mean). Thanks Tyler and Evie for letting me use you to get my kicks :) I highly recommend doing something wierd this week, do something that seems ridiculus and too childish for where you are in life - the laughs and the smiles are so freeing.
Here are some other things over the past couple of weeks that have made me smile...

Jerod - He just makes me smile - His determination to love me - He had dinner waiting for me at home (w/ dessert) on Monday so I could eat before going to my Bible Study - He loves to talk to me and he has been so transaparent with me through life and at moments like this I am so thankful for them because I get to watch him grow and it makes me love him so much - And guys this man is working so hard and pushing forward and he is about to finish one of the biggest races of his life and it is the spectacular race I have watched with him so far and I can't wait!!

These girls - my five college roommates - we had our monthly phone conference last night and it always makes me so happy to realize how lucky we are to have each other. We are all so perfectly different that it works and it is great to grow up together.

Work this week has been great too...I don't have a picture for that...but I have been busy, I have learned more this week than I have in the six months I have been in this position and I can say that I have been glad to be there.

So there you go...that is me today. I am smiling.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Who's in Control?

Well here it is three days into 2008, and I have that overwhelming sinking feeling that every controlling perfectionist has I think at this time of year. Being a child of God and being a controller just don't go together well and I think this time of year of resolutions and reflections tend to stir that contradiction inside of me and humble me. As I try to join in with the rest of the world making resolutions and goals for the new year, I am so graciously reminded that I don't have to do that the same way...because I have a chance for a new beginning in any moment that I decide to ask for it BUT I have to take that opportunity. And over the last few days God has been working at my heart and mind trying to so lovingly tell me that I need to just stop...I can't control life, I can't control circumstances, I can't protect everyone, I can't. But oh how I try and God has shown me that in my attempts I live in a false reality (not to mention take away His role as GOD). I don't experience life and feelings and faith the way He intends for His children to believe and hope. I hurt others and rob them of being all of who they can be because I have things resolved in my way before they could even be afforeded the opportunity to be involved much less possibly have a better way than mine. So my greatest desire for 2008 is not to make a list or a plan of action for this year, instead I hope to let God control more and I hope for an overwhelming since of rest and release. I want to enjoy and I want to dwell in the truth that "Apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5) I want to live like I really really believe these words. Lord please help me!! Help me not be apart from you...My spirit is aching to slow down, to absorb and to runneth over, to find as much satisfaction in reading your word as accomplishing a weeks to do list in one day, to feel unexplainable joy, to cry and laugh with those around me, to live in obedience and leave the consequences up to you without needing to know before hand.

I post this because I am asking that those of you reading who know me well and are around me a lot...when you see me planning, controlling (which often surfaces as thinking too much) I beg that you ask me who is in control?

Sorry so serious, I promise the next post will not be this serious. I really hope that everyone had a great holiday season and is as excited about all the unknown and hopeful things for 2008!!!