Identity...

Who am I? Who do people think I am and who do they want me to be? How much time do we spend weighing these questions in our daily life? I know that I don't spend enough time dwelling on the answer to these questions - That I am a daughter of God's and I am free and loving and compassionate and have a very important purpose and joyful and alive, I wastefully spend so much time thinking about who I would be without Christ and who I struggle with not acting like. (That was one of those sentences that may not make much sense to the reader but I needed to get it out of my head...)

I am doing a study right now by Beth Moore, and I was really challenged today by two questions she asked.

"Think about the last week or two. Identify ways you believe you gave a true impression of who you are by acting as if you belonged to God.
Now, identify ways you may have given a false impression by not acting as if you belonged to God.
If you have received Christ, the only time you are true to who you are is when you are walking like one of His children. Christians can only be true to self when demonstrating that they belong to God."

It was interesting because it was very obvious to me in my past week the times when I felt free, felt like me, felt whole as a being obedient to God, and I know exactly when I slipped into my disguises too. Now I am just trying to figure out why I like to wear those disguises. I want to be true to myself and I deeply want to desire to live like a child of God more than like anyone else I can pretend to be.

Ramblings of a Title Escrow Assistant...

Here I sit at work longing for the days when Christmas was a two week production rather than a two day marathon. I hate having to come to work when I know that there are still so many people at home enjoying the holidays, with family, at the malls, playing with all their new gadgets and gifts, etc. But the real estate world doesn't stop and even though I haven't done anything today that couldn't have waited until tomorrow...I am here. On the bright side, I have caught up on my magazines, have time to blog, and I have started shopping the internet for a dress to wear to the CD release party. This is my new quest right now so I will take linked suggestions on dresses for the party...I want something fun, it's okay if it is only worn once, but I need shoes too...so have fun shopping with me and for me if you can. Here is the one I have found so far...

I know a little low but tank under and these awesome crochet tights to go with it...It is not the dress I have pictured in my head but it is the only one I have liked so far....

I am getting so incredibly excited about this concert, I really haven't been excited about anything like this sense the wedding. I am so proud of my husband and I can't wait to sit there and listen and watch and just totally rejoice in all that God has done to make this possible. Going through these last couple of years and now this past week, I am seeing God again in a renewed and revived way. I had hope for what God could do but I have been rather lifeless in the waiting...God is teaching a lot right now and I will continue sharing this journey with you over the next few weeks...Most of all I am overwhelmed with joy and tears abundant as I revel in His grace, His provision and His TRUTH! What He says really is true and it makes my heart feel a million pounds lighter.

On a less serious note let's talk Christmas highlights for a bit...

Double Christmas Eve: A tradition Jerod and I started in order to have a special night for us as a family before we head out and do Christmas gatherings all over the metroplex. It consists of an incredible dinner prepared by my perfectly wonderful husband, always steak, bread beer, some variation of creamed spinach and usually another side to be determined annually - this year it was green bean bundles and they were wonderful!!! Then we pray, talk and do some activity planned by Jerod - this time we made big Christmas lists to Santa of things we both wanted this year...(that's what is in the big stockings on the fireplace) our lists were almost identical...this will be a big year :) now you are probably asking what are all the candles for ... we are trying to burn up all those random candles in the house that just won't go away so we have moved them to the table and have them on constant burning cycles until they are gone - it helped create the perfect candle lit dinner that night. Here is my cute cute cute husband cooking the dinner...I really love this guy.

Then here are some pics of the rest of the weekend with family...

Eastland Christmas

The girls (Ainsley and Jayci) - they are such the perfect age to enjoy Christmas with right now...

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!

Sniffle Sniffle... Ho Ho Ho

I have the sniffles, the dripping nose, the cough and the heavy head. It is so irritating becuase I don't really feel that bad but then a sneeze comes and reminds me that I don't really feel that good either. Why is it that when we were kids mom would just call the dr and it was completely understood that we would see the dr on like day one of sneezing and we would be better in just a couple of days...BUT now as a grown up it takes me a week to decide if I should go to the dr when if I would have just gone in the first place I would have saved money on over counter drugs, I would already be better, and I would have less chance to spread it around to those I love. And one final sickly complaint why does sickness always creep up around the holidays?

On an exciting note...Christmas is only four days away...What are you doing the next few days to get ready and to celebrate? Jerod and I are having our Double Christmas Eve traditional extravaganza tonight (yes, I know it is like quadruple Christmas Eve right now, but we are working the next two nights). My brother arrives from Seattle tomorrow, Jerod will sing O Holy Night at church on Sunday (and let me tell you the boy can sing that song), then we will head to the Eastland house on Monday and then join up with the Starkey's Christmas Day night.

I pray that you all have a wonderful weekend and enjoy the season...it is only Christmas once a year and I think we get so wrapped up in business and getting through it that we miss the joy, the remembrances, the family, the love, so stop and ask yourself what do I need to do to slow down and take in this Christmas? What do I need to do to change my mind and/or attitude about Christmas and the people around so as to glorify God? Answer those two and just do it....don't wait...It will be another 365 days before you get to experience it again.

Merry Christmas ~

I can do this thing...

For months I have thought over and over again about starting a blog, I even think I got to naming a blog once, but then nothing. But the last few days I have spent many hours ( we are really slow at work) reading the blogs of people I know and love and of people that if they knew that I read their blog everyday it would be considered borderline stalking!

But here are the things that have kept me from blogging - and I hope that laying them out here I am crucifying them before they become real...some sort of online accountability.

1) How will I ever decide what to write...honestly since yesterday afternoon I have written in my head about ten different first posts...which one would be the most exciting? which one is the most real? how can I make sure you really understand me? blah blah blah- I think too much!!!
2) Will I really keep up with it...I don't really know that part of me, so I don't know - I don't usually do things that I don't know exactly how I will execute, manage and already know the end result - so here is to learning something new about myself.
3) Will anyone really read it...I decided I don't care...if for nothing else...I think it will be a great way to keep my mind moving forward...and that is a good thing whether for me or for someone else

The thing is - I have really loved reading and watching life stories unfold online among my closest friends and their friends and then their friends too - I have been encouraged, I have laughed, I have teared up, and most of all I was over and over again reminded I am not alone with these weird dreams, ideas, fears, feelings, etc. So I want to join in with the many others out there, I am ready to share my randomness, my weirdness, and you will more than likely even get glimpse of insanity here and there...