So let me start this post by telling you about Saturday...a beautiful day. I woke up that morning the way I love to wake up - on my own - no alarm. Made some coffee, sat for awhile working on my Beth Moore study, trying to entertain Harrison so that he wouldn't wake up Jerod - finally gave that up as I was starting to get my feelings hurt that he would rather be with his sleeping dad than his awake mom trying to feed him peanut butter. In efforts to erase the twinge of jealousy I decided it was because Jerod walks him and takes him outside - I am the comforter and he didn't want to be comforted at that moment. See another lesson from our dog child that will help us be good parents. :) Anyways - back to Saturday- the day rolled on as the sun grew hotter and hotter and we spent the day - all day - outside. The winter white skin appreciated it, my spirit loved it and the jeep was glad to be topless again. The season is changing...
Now this is what I really want to talk about! That night was spent trying to soak in every moment of the warmth because still at this point we don't know how long it will last before the teasing sun hides again for a few days and then reemerges as it formalizes into spring officially. With every season that changes, I am starting to have a deeper sense that this is a very spiritual thing. I think that it is God's sweet and gentle way of reminding us that time is passing. He is still there, and He asks us to look into our lives with an open mind and maybe ask some deep and hard questions. Have I been obedient to the steps He has been bidding me to take? Have I loved as He has asked me to love? Have I grown in the last season of life? what does God want to plant in this next season to see bloom?
Ok ... so then last night it snows! What ? ?!!? I know - but I have to say that we were sitting out on the front door step watching the beauty fall and I had a moment where God spoke...He needed to remind me as these seasons are changing that nothing is impossible with Him. He can make the sun beams turn to the most beautiful snowflakes in hours. He can make all things white and new when exposed to the light.
I have been in a really long season (years) of knowing God. I have learned so much about Him. I have been excited and encouraged and I have testimony to His work in my life. I know Him well. BUT I want to be free to Believe Him!!! Not Believe in Him, but Believe HIM. Please hear the difference. I have been going through a Beth Moore study and we finished our last week last night. See God isn't quiet - He speaks in lots of ways all at once I think when He really wants us to hear. And as I have been preparing over the last few days for this night I have had a depressing spirit set in...as I realized that once again I had increased my knowledge without letting it change my belief in a way that actually starts to have power and affect on my life in action. Not that life with God is determined by work and deed but what is knowledge without being changed and affected by what you are learning. God teaches and reveals so that we may become more like His Son and live free...I am starting to feel my knowledge enslave me as I continue to deny it any more life than what it posses in my head.
For now that is all...I needed to use this place as a point of motivation for myself. I needed to write it and say it outside of my head so that I can move forward.