Grasping lies

Hi.  My name is Elaine and I am a legalistic.  I struggle daily to believe there is grace over rules.  I struggle everyday to believe I don't have to be perfect to please God.  I struggle everyday to not hold my world and the people in it up to a standard that God does not even require.  God requires love, faith and love - why can't I be satisfied with giving and receiving these?

Today I am going to try to live knowing truth is real, my feelings are not.  Truth will stand the test - my fear will not.

I guess too I am coming to grasps with the fact there is no conquering this problem on this side of heaven.  I need to learn to live here with joy and hope in the things to come in heaven (which is the only place my expectations can be met).

Paul, how did you do it?  I would love to sit and talk with that man.  I want to know the man behind the words, "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Romans 7:15  LOL as I write this though I realize I probably know hundreds of people who say these words in their heart everyday!  I sit in one of those ah ha moments right now where I picture that we are all grasping, all trying, all desiring to grab God's hand as He reaches out to us.  The only thing keeping us back is whatever lie we are grasping hold of with our other hand.  My lies circulate on a schedule of about three main ones in my life.  1. I am not good enough  2.  It is MY responsibility to present everyone in my family as perfect therefore, my job to work on them everyday  3.  Change isn't possible

What is your lie today keeping you just far enough from grabbing God's hand instead?

Pointing fingers

So I did it again last night...I was really trying to be encouraging, trying to tell Jerod how great I think he is BUT instead I told him - you aren't doing enough, you really should be more, "God created you to be...".  Wives, why do we do it?  Why do we feel the need to hold everyone in our lives up to only God capable expectations?  Seriously I need to get better at small talk.  It would have been better to ask what do you want for dinner next week and talked about the possibility of some great new recipe.

You know my intentions really were good - well were they?  I don't really know - maybe they weren't completely.  I think maybe I was being a little sneaky.  It's so much easier to point the finger at someone else and say you know you are made for greater and you need to find your heart and passion and just jump - go for it - believe you can do anything if God made you for it.

God is screaming in a lot of areas of my life to be passionate, jump, be a fool for the sake of what He has laid out before me.  Really in the last two weeks God has kind of raked me through a lot of coals to see some things more clearly.  LOL but instead of looking inward and asking God what He wants me to do or rather how He would like me to respond - I pick a fight with my best friend - well not really a fight - I just get preachy and sit up on my throne of "I have this all figure out".

I guess I am just like most people...I don't want to set out without the guarantee of success and being liked, I would rather dwell in the city of wondering if I really can be who God wants rather than go and find out, I really do care too much about what others think.  So this week I am going to try to listen to what God has been saying and try to jump a little further out there.  It's nothing drastic, it's nothing life shattering, but I think God is telling me their is abundance around the corner and it ain't in conquering to do lists, but rather in living a little more out loud.  More to follow...

So just in case you are wondering how I left it with Jerod and cleaned up that mess...I woke up at 6 wrote him a letter declaring my true love for him no matter what he does, doesn't do, etc.  I joked about the graham cracker crumbs in our bed that he found when he laid down and said I could not wait to hear him sing in the car today with the kids.  Because when he sings and dances in the car with our kiddos I realize I don't really truly want to share his awesomeness with anyone else if I don't have to...