Well here it is three days into 2008, and I have that overwhelming sinking feeling that every controlling perfectionist has I think at this time of year. Being a child of God and being a controller just don't go together well and I think this time of year of resolutions and reflections tend to stir that contradiction inside of me and humble me. As I try to join in with the rest of the world making resolutions and goals for the new year, I am so graciously reminded that I don't have to do that the same way...because I have a chance for a new beginning in any moment that I decide to ask for it BUT I have to take that opportunity. And over the last few days God has been working at my heart and mind trying to so lovingly tell me that I need to just stop...I can't control life, I can't control circumstances, I can't protect everyone, I can't. But oh how I try and God has shown me that in my attempts I live in a false reality (not to mention take away His role as GOD). I don't experience life and feelings and faith the way He intends for His children to believe and hope. I hurt others and rob them of being all of who they can be because I have things resolved in my way before they could even be afforeded the opportunity to be involved much less possibly have a better way than mine. So my greatest desire for 2008 is not to make a list or a plan of action for this year, instead I hope to let God control more and I hope for an overwhelming since of rest and release. I want to enjoy and I want to dwell in the truth that "Apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5) I want to live like I really really believe these words. Lord please help me!! Help me not be apart from you...My spirit is aching to slow down, to absorb and to runneth over, to find as much satisfaction in reading your word as accomplishing a weeks to do list in one day, to feel unexplainable joy, to cry and laugh with those around me, to live in obedience and leave the consequences up to you without needing to know before hand.
I post this because I am asking that those of you reading who know me well and are around me a lot...when you see me planning, controlling (which often surfaces as thinking too much) I beg that you ask me who is in control?
Sorry so serious, I promise the next post will not be this serious. I really hope that everyone had a great holiday season and is as excited about all the unknown and hopeful things for 2008!!!